The Mysterious Case of Wedding Fever

Let me start by saying, I blame Kate Middleton for what's happened to me! While I was in no way into her wedding extravaganza I think all the hoopla was the catalyst for what was lying dormant deep inside me...wedding fever! When did this happen!?! How do I make it go away?! Someone help me please! I suppose for y'all to better help me come up with an aggressive course of action against this horrible disease you need to understand my symptoms.

It all started with the delusions or you know a longing for a boyfriend. Isn't that how it always starts? You're walking around, minding your own business, being a single carefree girl and all of a sudden you start seeing things. You start noticing all the couples loved up on each other or all the engagement rings being waved about and you start to feel a little bit off. It doesn't start out as something major,just a little gnawing feeling deep down in your gut telling you that perhaps you would be happy if you had someone to cuddle with too.



After the delusions, came the attack on my immune system, for the purpose of this post you may think of the immune system as my heart. I began to notice that many of the things I loved about myself were being chipped away by this disease. I no longer cringed when I saw babies and instead I started thinking they were cute. I no longer wanted to go out to the bars but instead wanted to stay in, watch movies, and cuddle. And the most disturbing thing of all, the harmless flirting I had been doing with someone had morphed into what I can only believe to be REAL feelings. Needless to say, once this happened I knew something serious was going on.




Ahhhh the magic of a big, fat, diamond. Also, everyone knows a 6 figure engagement ring is a contract to stay skinny.


After the delusions and attack on my immune system came the loss of common sense. This can be translated as a love of trashy bridal TV. This came in the form of setting my DVR to record any and every episode of Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas. When not spending entirely too much time watching those shows I found time to watch any and every other show that had to do with weddings; from shows about brides competing against each other for dream weddings to shows about wedding flowers. If the show had something to do with an engagement, bride, or wedding, I watched it.





That is when my most serious symptom hit, the psychotic break from reality. While removing my jewelry one day after work I looked in my jewelry box and found an old fake diamond ring in there. Don't ask me why I have this giant, fake, rock but I did and once I saw it I proceeded to prance around my apartment wearing it. You should know that as I typed that last sentence I was filled with an immense amount of shame.



Remember when Charlotte did the same thing after divorcing Trey? At least she was actually married first! I feel like such a loser!


After placing the ring on my finger one would think I would have quickly realized this was ridiculous but alas that was not the case. I glided throughout my apartment making dinner and cleaning up and every once and a while gazing at my ring. This my friends, is when I realized I had a serious problem. So here I am saying once and for all that my name is Brittany and I've got wedding fever. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem but I don't think I'm an addict I think it is more likely that I've contracted some kind of disease. I blame all my engaged and coupled up friends for infecting me with this disease. Luckily I've found that Adele's 21 can fight off many of the symptoms for short periods at a time but I'm looking for a long term cure! Does anyone know of something?



So there you have it, my struggles over the past month or so for all to see. learn the symptoms now and as soon as you experience the first one begin listening to Adele! Also, find all your single friends and surround yourself with them. Party, dance, kiss boys, kiss girls, go crazy, flirt, stay out all night, get numbers, and revel in your singleness! Do it quickly because once the delusions begin it is all downhill from there. If only someone had been there to help me in the beginning! If only someone had been there to WARN ME that all the innocent flirting with a boy (who I happen to think is amazing) would turn into me imagining our lives together!! If only someone had told me I would hit a certain age and actually want to settle down and get married. IF ONLY!!! The good news is I here there is a cure for wedding fever, although I suspect...



it ends with the words "and they lived happily ever after."

Will It Ever End?!?

Let me preface this by saying, I don't fault any of the people that watched this celebrity wedding this morning. I mean some people have the NFL draft and some people have "royal weddings" and that's perfectly fine. However, the problem arises when all that is being focused on is a damn wedding. I thought I had gotten all my griping out yesterday with THIS post but after this morning's news coverage coupled with my Twitter feed I obviously have a few more rants in me. Although, before any ranting can take place I must give props where props are due and that is to this dress!! The only thing I cared about.



God Bless McQueen!!


Now that that's out of the way let us go ahead and hit some of the key points of frustration this morning.

1. The News Coverage- All I can say is God Bless CNN for at least giving me some real news today because every other channel was nonsense. My roommate was stuck in traffic because of a BAD wreck that no one knew about. Why did no one know about it? Oh let me see because all the news channels were showing the damn wedding! There was no freaking need for every single news channel to devote ALL OF THEIR MORNING NEWS to the coverage of this wedding. This brings me to point two.



2. This was NOT a historic event!!- I'm sorry but what do people not understand about this concept. The royals have no power. This was nothing more than a celebrity wedding and while I love celeb gossip as much as the next girl I don't think it's "history". Do we call it history when our celebrities get married? If so, where was all the coverage when our equivalent of Will & Kate, Brad & Angie, got married!?!Time does not stop in the world because Will & Kate are now married. According to the news coverage one would think there was peace in the Middle East, the economy was great, and all other problems were solved in the world. Unfortunately, regardless of how many pictures I see of Kate in her lovely gown there are still other things going on that need to be reported.



I love this dress so much. I think Kelly's was more my style but still lovely.


3. The Grace Kelly Factor- OK, now this is where it gets serious. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of the 50s. It was a classier time and I just love the actresses and the fashion. Grace Kelly is one of my favorites, I mean FAVORITES, and my Twitter feed was filled of comparisons of Kate and Grace. Yes, I see the similarities in the dress and that's fine but it stops there. People were not just comparing the dress but saying Kate had Kelly like qualities and I'm sorry but I simply will not tolerate that kind of blasphemy! (I love how I say that like I have some kind of authority! Ha!) I know yall are all under the influence of princess dreams and wedding highs but let us not get crazy people!!!

Simply put, this is all just a little too much for me to stomach. The last time I can remember every single channel devoted to one news story in the US was 9/11 and to be quite honest the news stations here are devoting about the same level of coverage to this wedding. That's sickening. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of being a princess and I was never one of those girls who loved William (I've been saying Harry was the hot one for years! Prince Hot Ginge for life!) so all of this excitement was a bit confusing for me. Life can be really sucky sometimes and I get the need to escape but I just think that there needs to be balance and people, and by people I mean news outlets, need to remember their priorities. Leave the celebrity weddings (because again I say that's all this is!) to people like US Weekly and stick to what you are SUPPOSED to be reporting. Hopefully all this madness is done for a while and I won't have to hear the names Will & Kate for a couple years! God help us when she gets knocked up! ;)

The Wedding from Hell

If I never hear the name Kate Middleton again it will be too soon! I am so freaking sick of hearing about this "royal wedding". We live in America and there are other things we should be focusing on (like I don't know birth certificate nonsense, gas prices, the economy, catastrophic destruction from tornadoes) and yet the American media is SHOVING this damn wedding down my throat! I honestly can't take it anymore and I'm so happy this shit is almost over. If I never hear the name Kate Middleton again it will be too soon. So since I'm at the breaking point and the wedding still hasn't happened yet I have no other choice but to focus my ranting into a blog post! So I present my reasons for being over this damn wedding.



1. The royals have no power!- OK, here's the thing the title of king and queen in England means nothing. It's a figurehead position and means nothing at all. I guess England likes having the royals around and that's fine and all but I honestly don't give a damn! This is not really something that I consider important enough to be on EVERY SINGLE NEWS CHANNEL. It's basically a celebrity wedding. We wouldn't tolerate this much coverage of a celebrity wedding and yet we're devoting it to this wedding. It makes absolutely no sense.



2. THERE IS SOME SERIOUS SH*T HAPPENING WE SHOULD FOCUS ON!!- I'm not saying that when something bad happens all types of media besides news should stop BUT I am saying we shouldn't be devoting this much attention to this damn wedding. This morning Good Morning America spent a large part of their show on the wedding coverage and some engagement photos of Will & Kate. Ummmmm how about we talk about the devastating tornadoes that hit yesterday? I mean I just find this coverage to be ridiculous. TLC dedicated an entire week of programming to the damn thing and that's preposterous (and yes I used that dramatic of a word!)!



3. Kate Middleton is no Diana- I don't mean this in a bad way it's just this isn't the same day and age of Charles & Diana and so the coverage just doesn't work. When Diana became a princess times were different and I think it's cute to think of all those people waking up at 4 am to watch her get married. I find it very hard to imagine people doing that now with Kate and Will. Furthermore, from everything I've read, seen, and been forced to hear about Kate and Will they don't seem to want any of this attention. They seem so completely different than the rest of the royals. They live far away, don't have a staff, and seem to be like two normal people. Yet, the media won't stop shoving them down my throats. I mean why are they on US magazine covers? Why are they on the news every 10 minutes? It's just silly.



4. The asinine details!- One of my favorite people ever, a lovely fellow named Justin, has tweeted almost every morning about how the local news tells him the weather in England. This is what I'm talking about! WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE WEATHER IN ENGLAND!! The weather in England means nothing to me! Also, I'm sure to the people in Alabama the weather in England is a slap in the damn face! Today I was forced to watch (I was in the gym) the news go over a bunch of pictures of Will & Kate and listen to their discussion of how much William looks like Diana. WHO THE HELL CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When they aren't discussing that nonsense it's all about the bridesmaids dresses, the wedding dress, what the guests will be wearing, if they will have a kiss in the ceremony, if Will shall wear a ring etc... NONSENSE!!!! I saw a great twitter quote that sums up my feelings about this "unless Kate is wearing McQueen I don't give a damn about her dress!" YES!!!! The media has basically turned Kate Middleton into a bridezilla and it's not even her fault!

5. Of all the young royals to care about William is probably at the bottom of my list! Please see some of the lovely royals of Monaco and Sweden below. Sexy, stylish, young, entertaining royals! Not stuffy and boring like William! If we are going to spend all our time reporting on European royalty I think we need to spread the love around! And I also think we need to report on the hot ones! I mean it's a shallow subject so we might as well go with that.





6. It's not like Will shall ever be King anyway!- I am CONVINCED that Queen Elizabeth shall never die. No really. You can't tell me otherwise.

In short, I'm over it. OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR IT! I just need this nonsense to be over. So I'm going to suck it up and quietly count down the minutes until 4 am when this nonsense begins and ends. And once this is over, I'll add Kate Middleton to the list of names I never want to hear again; right behind Lebron James and before Cam Newton! :D




The only princess I'll ever care about!