VMA Roundup!

Let us begin our live blogging adventure with the preshow.

All things not having to do with the show shall have an *

Selena Gomez looks horrible – me She’s also taller than Sway- me Everyone is taller than sway- my roomie

I hate Amber Rose

Rick Ross = This year’s Kanye.

I hate Pitt Bull

Adele looks amazing!!!!

I don’t know how pitbull got famous- My roomie

STD= STOP THE DRAMA! Have I mentioned I love Jersey Shore?!!?

I hate Sway. “shut the hell up sway”- me

Demi Lovato and Selena gomez are not friends at all! AT ALL!!

Demi Lovato looks so pretty!!

What the hell is Selena Gomez wearing?

“I just wanna know why demi is still fat?” my roomie

What is this shit?! In reference to this performance from Cobra Starship

Will this performance never stop

OMG I’m actually getting a headache from this, for real- my roomie in ref to this Cobra Starship performance.

Bitch you aren’t excited and you don’t like hip hop. I really need Selena Gomez to stop pretending like she’s nicki minaj’s number one fan.

I can’t believe I’m going to miss True Blood for this.

Can we take a minute to talk about how much I HATEEEEEE this Footloose preview.

*I want ice cream*

* my roomie has begun singing a random ass nickelodeon song. Im sad for her*

I hate Sway? Have I mentioned this?

Who I Jessie J?

I hate English accents

Taaayyylor Lautner is ugly. I don’t know what just happened when I typed his name but I refuse to fix it.

At some point I must stop watching this awards show/channel.

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber interviewing each other is ridiculous.

What in the fuck is Nicki Minaj wearing?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT IN THE FUCK.

Foster the People could get it! And by that I mean the blonde one!

Teen Wolf cast is HOTTTTTTT

Oh Sway, I hate you. Have I mentioned that yesterday?

Why is Katie Holmes here? Who let her out of el ron hubbard’s room

Why is swizz beatz famous?

I would have liked to have seen gagaloo but I guess we shan’t since she’s opening the show.

My roomie is obsessed with tyler posey, the main guy from teen wolf.

So Beyonce is preggers?

Um how many of these damn paranormal activity movies shall they make

I think Beyonce is ACTUALLY preggers!!!!! Yay!!!

VMA Show Time

Gagaloo was in NY duhhhhhh. I forgot all about that.

Britney Spears looking at Gaga is priceless.

What is this Gaga shit.

Justin Bieber’s face is HILARIOUS

Celebrities reacting to Gaga Is great.

OH my GOD Lady Gaga is batshit crazy and I fucking love it.

She’s actually a cuter boy than girl. Yet, still ugly.” Via my roomie

Kevin Hart is really tiny and ugly.

OMG this Jonah kid is so fucking skinny! MY LORD!!!

Let me pause to go ahead and say I can’t believe Beyonce is with child!

Best Pop Video- Britney Spears!!

I fucking LOVE Brit Brit and she looks adorable.

YESSS KANYE AND JAY!

I hate this shirt Kanye has on- my roomie

This Jay Z and Kanye performance is odd and I hate Kanye’s outfit so much.

Justin Bieber hates everything and everyone. Maybe the glasses make him moody.

What the fuck is Miley wearing?

Why do her breasts look like that?- my roomie in ref to miley’s breasts

Have I mentioned I hate Dave Grohl?

Shut the fuck up Dave Grohl. You don’t fucking make rock and roll music.

*why is real world still a show that comes on tv*

The VMAs are bullshit right now

Oh hey guess what, Beyonce is preggers!

My roomie hates Nicki Minaj

I love Nicki though!!!!!

Kanye West is so fucking adorable! “they finally got it through my head not to run my mouth…” yep Kanye!

I HATE PIT BULL

I kind of hate Katy Perry

ADELE!!!!

Oh Adele, you are too good for the VMAs. TOOOOO Good.

Dear Lady Gaga, go ahead and take note of how actual talent performance.

This ho on the chair sounds better than Katy Perry.

*why is Vanessa hudgens in this commercial seductively eating snacks and rolling around?*

Let me revisit this Adele situation to reiterate that Adele is too damn good for this shit. TOO DAMN GOOD!!!!!!

Oh my God he’s a lesbian-my roomie







What the fuck is Justin Bieber’s deal tonight.

“I just wanna say thank you, not only to God but to Jesus” UMMMM what Justin Bieber?!?!!?!?!? What?

Oh God, Chris Brown is on another kick of look at me, I beat girls but I can dance.

Oh Lord, I hate chris Brown so much.

OK, was that the end of it? Really?

OMG NO SCRUBS!

I need to do some further investigation of miss Jessie J, I’m liking her.

WHY IS LADY GAGA A MAN!?!?!?!? What is the deal with this.

I’m confused. So this tribute to Britney has turned into an introduction for Beyonce? Strange…

Beyonce has turned this awards show into something all about her.

I’m sick of Lady Gaga

I fucking love Beyonce and Jay-Z!!!!! I want their relationship.

Hm, well this is a bit better outfit.

Zoe Saldana is prettier than you.

This band performing now is cute. I don’t know their name.

Can they show me The Hunger Games preview already! Please and thank you!

I’ve decided I’m pissed off again by this Britney Spears tribute.

Where is the situation?!?!

What the fuck is Deena wearing?!?!?!

I’M SO FUCKING SICK OF LADY GAGA THE GREASER MAN! I’m SOOOOOOO FUCKING SICK OF THIS! Is this west side story/grease/the outsiders?!?! No? OK then get the fuck off the stage.

Cloris Leachman is hilarious and a bit senile. She should sit her ass down.

Can you just tell me when she’s off the stage?- Me She’s still talking and annoying me- my roomie. In ref to Lady Gaga

Russell Brand has rambled on for about 15minutes about nothing.

Lady Gaga is apparently high.

Tony Bennett has straight up promoted his album.

Bruno Mars for an Amy Winehouse tribute? Oh OK, let me refrain from judgment until it’s over.

I’m ready for bed. This show needs to end.

Ummm that was The Hunger Games preview?!?!?!!?? Really? REALLY!?!?!?

Drake looks horrible. HORRIBLE.

Well that was interesting...











Awards

Best Video With A Message- Lady Gaga

Best Pop Video- Britney Spears

Best Rock Video-Foo Fighters (I hate Dave Grohl)

Best Hip Hop Video- Nicki Minaj

The Best Collaboration- Katy Perry and Kanye West

Best Male Video- Justin Bieber (Bitch Please)

Best New Artist- Tyler The Creator (Who is this person?)

Best Female Video- Lady Gaga

Video of The Year- Katy Perry











Here are my actual thoughts on the show.



Britney’s Tribute was lame as hell- OK, I’m sorry but that was your tribute to Britney Spears?!?!! Say what you want about Ms. Spears but that ho is amazing and was a big contribution to music in the late 90s and early 2000s! This is Britney Spear we’re talking about people and the tribute she was given was some children dancing around in janky costumes for about 3 minutes and then Lady Gaga giving her an award. Let us not even talk about the fact that Gaga spent most of her time on the stage talking about herself and then trying to make out with Britney. Let us not even talk about the fact that after Britney got up there she then had to spend all her time introducing Beyonce!!! I mean is that a tribute worth of Britney Spears?!



Adele was awesome- ADELE!!!!!!! Thank you so much for showing all these idiots at the VMA what a real performance by a truly talented individual looks like. I was so very happy to see her performance. It was calm, stripped down, and lovely. I said it last night and I’ll say it again “VMA and MTV ain’t worthy of Adele” and the bad grammar means I’m serious. I really think her performance was the best of the night.



Beyonce is preggers and her and Jay Z are so fucking cute!- Well, well, well what have we here?! Leave it to Miss Bey to upstage everyone by sharing with the world that she’s preggers! I was so excited to hear the news! I’m pretty sure every person on Twitter and Facebook was excited! The consensus seemed to be that we all feel like this is our godchild and we can’t wait to go to the baby shower. Haha. Anyway, her performance was cute, although I was sad that she didn’t sing Party/Countdown. I think the best part was how freaking excited her, Jay-Z, and Kanye were at the end of the performance when she was rubbing her belly. LOVEEEEE



Justin Bieber is fucking weird.- Justin Bieber is weird. He won, went on stage and thanked not only God but Jesus, and brought a live snake with him to the show. He’s weird. He’s really fucking weird.

Jesse J is better than you- I’ve heard a song by Jessie J but had no clue who she was until tonight and I must admit she’s fabulous. She did these covers of songs better than most of the people who actually sing them. I loved that she still performed with her broken ankle and was chilling on a little couch during the show. I really enjoyed her.



Who the hell is Tyler The Great?- No clue who he is and I really don’t care but I must say that this isn’t the BET Awards and therefore you and your whole crew doesn’t need to come on stage with you when you win. The end.









Hits and Misses

Hits

No Host! Absolutely amazing! They honestly don’t need a host so this was a good idea.

Performances! There were so many performances and I really enjoyed that.

Jay-Z and Beyonce! Adorableness! Everything about them was adorable.

Jessie J!!!

Adele’s performance was everything to me.

Misses

The Britney Spears “tribute” it was crap.

Lady Gaga; enough said.

Justin Bieber was very strange and I have no idea what was wrong with him the entire show.

Kim Kardashian’s dress, I’m not sure why her dress didn’t fit.

Drake’s sweater-really Mr. Rogers?!











In the end my roomie summed up the show best when she said “I love the VMAs, I’ve never seen any of these videos before because MTV doesn’t even play videos. “ I love MTV and I love most of their trashy reality TV shows but I do think it’s a bit of a sham for them to make a big production of the video music awards when they don’t care about videos at all. Showing the same 10 videos for 3 hours every morning from 5-8 AM does not, a music channel make.

The Mysterious Case of Wedding Fever

Let me start by saying, I blame Kate Middleton for what's happened to me! While I was in no way into her wedding extravaganza I think all the hoopla was the catalyst for what was lying dormant deep inside me...wedding fever! When did this happen!?! How do I make it go away?! Someone help me please! I suppose for y'all to better help me come up with an aggressive course of action against this horrible disease you need to understand my symptoms.

It all started with the delusions or you know a longing for a boyfriend. Isn't that how it always starts? You're walking around, minding your own business, being a single carefree girl and all of a sudden you start seeing things. You start noticing all the couples loved up on each other or all the engagement rings being waved about and you start to feel a little bit off. It doesn't start out as something major,just a little gnawing feeling deep down in your gut telling you that perhaps you would be happy if you had someone to cuddle with too.



After the delusions, came the attack on my immune system, for the purpose of this post you may think of the immune system as my heart. I began to notice that many of the things I loved about myself were being chipped away by this disease. I no longer cringed when I saw babies and instead I started thinking they were cute. I no longer wanted to go out to the bars but instead wanted to stay in, watch movies, and cuddle. And the most disturbing thing of all, the harmless flirting I had been doing with someone had morphed into what I can only believe to be REAL feelings. Needless to say, once this happened I knew something serious was going on.




Ahhhh the magic of a big, fat, diamond. Also, everyone knows a 6 figure engagement ring is a contract to stay skinny.


After the delusions and attack on my immune system came the loss of common sense. This can be translated as a love of trashy bridal TV. This came in the form of setting my DVR to record any and every episode of Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas. When not spending entirely too much time watching those shows I found time to watch any and every other show that had to do with weddings; from shows about brides competing against each other for dream weddings to shows about wedding flowers. If the show had something to do with an engagement, bride, or wedding, I watched it.





That is when my most serious symptom hit, the psychotic break from reality. While removing my jewelry one day after work I looked in my jewelry box and found an old fake diamond ring in there. Don't ask me why I have this giant, fake, rock but I did and once I saw it I proceeded to prance around my apartment wearing it. You should know that as I typed that last sentence I was filled with an immense amount of shame.



Remember when Charlotte did the same thing after divorcing Trey? At least she was actually married first! I feel like such a loser!


After placing the ring on my finger one would think I would have quickly realized this was ridiculous but alas that was not the case. I glided throughout my apartment making dinner and cleaning up and every once and a while gazing at my ring. This my friends, is when I realized I had a serious problem. So here I am saying once and for all that my name is Brittany and I've got wedding fever. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem but I don't think I'm an addict I think it is more likely that I've contracted some kind of disease. I blame all my engaged and coupled up friends for infecting me with this disease. Luckily I've found that Adele's 21 can fight off many of the symptoms for short periods at a time but I'm looking for a long term cure! Does anyone know of something?



So there you have it, my struggles over the past month or so for all to see. learn the symptoms now and as soon as you experience the first one begin listening to Adele! Also, find all your single friends and surround yourself with them. Party, dance, kiss boys, kiss girls, go crazy, flirt, stay out all night, get numbers, and revel in your singleness! Do it quickly because once the delusions begin it is all downhill from there. If only someone had been there to help me in the beginning! If only someone had been there to WARN ME that all the innocent flirting with a boy (who I happen to think is amazing) would turn into me imagining our lives together!! If only someone had told me I would hit a certain age and actually want to settle down and get married. IF ONLY!!! The good news is I here there is a cure for wedding fever, although I suspect...



it ends with the words "and they lived happily ever after."