Let me start by saying, I blame Kate Middleton for what's happened to me! While I was in no way into her wedding extravaganza I think all the hoopla was the catalyst for what was lying dormant deep inside me...wedding fever! When did this happen!?! How do I make it go away?! Someone help me please! I suppose for y'all to better help me come up with an aggressive course of action against this horrible disease you need to understand my symptoms.
It all started with the delusions or you know a longing for a boyfriend. Isn't that how it always starts? You're walking around, minding your own business, being a single carefree girl and all of a sudden you start seeing things. You start noticing all the couples loved up on each other or all the engagement rings being waved about and you start to feel a little bit off. It doesn't start out as something major,just a little gnawing feeling deep down in your gut telling you that perhaps you would be happy if you had someone to cuddle with too.
After the delusions, came the attack on my immune system, for the purpose of this post you may think of the immune system as my heart. I began to notice that many of the things I loved about myself were being chipped away by this disease. I no longer cringed when I saw babies and instead I started thinking they were cute. I no longer wanted to go out to the bars but instead wanted to stay in, watch movies, and cuddle. And the most disturbing thing of all, the harmless flirting I had been doing with someone had morphed into what I can only believe to be REAL feelings. Needless to say, once this happened I knew something serious was going on.
Ahhhh the magic of a big, fat, diamond. Also, everyone knows a 6 figure engagement ring is a contract to stay skinny.
After the delusions and attack on my immune system came the loss of common sense. This can be translated as a love of trashy bridal TV. This came in the form of setting my DVR to record any and every episode of Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas. When not spending entirely too much time watching those shows I found time to watch any and every other show that had to do with weddings; from shows about brides competing against each other for dream weddings to shows about wedding flowers. If the show had something to do with an engagement, bride, or wedding, I watched it.
That is when my most serious symptom hit, the psychotic break from reality. While removing my jewelry one day after work I looked in my jewelry box and found an old fake diamond ring in there. Don't ask me why I have this giant, fake, rock but I did and once I saw it I proceeded to prance around my apartment wearing it. You should know that as I typed that last sentence I was filled with an immense amount of shame.
Remember when Charlotte did the same thing after divorcing Trey? At least she was actually married first! I feel like such a loser!
After placing the ring on my finger one would think I would have quickly realized this was ridiculous but alas that was not the case. I glided throughout my apartment making dinner and cleaning up and every once and a while gazing at my ring. This my friends, is when I realized I had a serious problem. So here I am saying once and for all that my name is Brittany and I've got wedding fever. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem but I don't think I'm an addict I think it is more likely that I've contracted some kind of disease. I blame all my engaged and coupled up friends for infecting me with this disease. Luckily I've found that Adele's 21 can fight off many of the symptoms for short periods at a time but I'm looking for a long term cure! Does anyone know of something?
So there you have it, my struggles over the past month or so for all to see. learn the symptoms now and as soon as you experience the first one begin listening to Adele! Also, find all your single friends and surround yourself with them. Party, dance, kiss boys, kiss girls, go crazy, flirt, stay out all night, get numbers, and revel in your singleness! Do it quickly because once the delusions begin it is all downhill from there. If only someone had been there to help me in the beginning! If only someone had been there to WARN ME that all the innocent flirting with a boy (who I happen to think is amazing) would turn into me imagining our lives together!! If only someone had told me I would hit a certain age and actually want to settle down and get married. IF ONLY!!! The good news is I here there is a cure for wedding fever, although I suspect...
it ends with the words "and they lived happily ever after."
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