So this weekend I spent a lot of time reading, lounging, and watching TV/movies. I got to catch a nice block of Sex and the City on E! Whenever I watch a large amount of Sex and the City I usually end up getting inspired to pull out my laptop and blog about relationships. Last time this happened I created THIS. So I got to thinking about all the friends I have that are getting boyfriends/getting engaged and that coupled with a weekend full of SATC has inspired this blog.
I have a friend, a very very close guy friend, who has recently gotten engaged. He's in a big giant cloud of love and happiness and has pretty much fallen off the face of the earth. This is not usually that shocking since girls do this all the time but what I found to be incredibly shocking was that he, a dude, is doing the same thing! This got me thinking about some of my other guy friends and I started to notice the same kind of pattern. Guys, just as much, if not more than, girls, ditch their friends too when in relationships! I'm sorry but this was kind of a revelation to me! So now I'm starting to wonder why is that?
I should say that I have only had 2 real relationships in my life; one when I was in college and one recently. Although the one recently wasn't even really long term but I suppose that's neither here nor there. Anyway, when I was in college we all just hung out as a group. We each did our own thing sometimes with our own groups of friends and then sometimes we would hang as a couple with the group of friends we had. The only time I completely disappeared was the month before he moved across the country (military boy) and I feel that was valid. The most recent bf and I were pretty much just part of my crew. I integrated him into the crew and for me that worked. We had the occasional alone time, because he whined about never getting any Brittany time to himself, but usually we were with a couple of my friends. So again I wonder why do so many people ditch all their friends for a relationship?
So I have some theories and I'd like to know, from those of you in relationships, if these are some of the reasons why you seem to lose all friendships when in a couple.
Bitter Single Friends- I've heard that a lot of people in relationships get "shade" from their bitter single friends. Having once been a bitter single person I can see how that makes sense. That being said I'm a very live and let live type person. When I was in my man hating phase I still had plenty of friends in relationships and I don't believe I spent any time trying to get them to dump their boyfriends. I simply don't care what other people do. I think this is kind of a cop out that a lot of couples use to justify ditching all their friends. The majority of single people enjoy being single. The only time coupledom becomes annoying is when it's shoved down your throats! Anything becomes annoying when shoved down your throats all day long. I mean I think I would even get sick of cupcakes if I had them every day. Actually, I wouldn't. Yummmmmmm cupcakes, OK, sorry, I'm back now! Ha.
It's Just Easier to Hang with Couples- Well sure! I can dig it. You've got a built in foursome for things and sometimes an even bigger group. I think that's cool and all but what happens if one of those couples ends up breaking up? Do you ditch both people? Do you pick one and not the other? Do you peace them both out until they get a new boyfriend/girlfriend? I mean I just feel like you're closing yourself off to so many friendships when you only surround yourself with couples.
I Can't Bring My BF/GF Along When I'm with My Single Friends- OK, this is valid. A lot of people are haters and that's wack. I have two really good friends that sometimes bring their bf along and I'm fine with it. Both boyfriends are funny and mingle within the group while letting their girlfriends catch up with friends. I love that. I had another FORMER friend whose bf was antisocial and creepy whenever he came along and so yeah, we kind of wanted him to stay home. So I guess it can go both ways. Here's the thing though, there are CERTAIN TIMES when your boyfriend and/or girlfriend needs to STAY HOME! Girls nights are for the girls and guys nights are for the guys! So if you show up at guys night with your girlfriend hell yeah your boys are gonna be pissed! No, they aren't "hatin", they're simply annoyed, and they have every right to be! Furthermore something is wrong if you honestly can't go out without your "other half". People do realize this person isn't actually attached to them right?
In here on purpose. They don't all last! Remember that.
It Is Simply an Honest Mistake- This is what I think happens most often. You're all in love and happy and in your own little world and you forget about your friends. It happens and that's fine. However, make an effort to realize you're doing this and change! If your friends tell you this is how you're making them feel don't get all pissy, simply think about it and see if perhaps they're right. REAL friends want you to be happy and aren't going to fault you for being in love but they also have the right to call you on your bullshit! They've earned it.
In the end, it comes down to this, when it's all said and done you'll always have your friends. When you find out your girlfriend kind of sucks, it will be your boys that take you out and help you forget about that slore! When you find out your husband has a thing for secretaries it will be your girls that keep you from having a rage blackout and running him over with your car! And in those fantastic cases where you find "the one" and you live happily ever after but he/she sometimes just gets on your damn nerves your friends will be there to make you remember why that guy/girl is so amazing and how lucky you are to have them! So let's have a toast to the single friends! The ones that listen to you talk about the bf/gf you love, let you bring them along when they really just want some alone time with their friend that they miss, the ones that let you be a bridezilla, the ones that plan your bachelor parties, the ones that deal with all the makeups and breakups, and the ones that will always be there for you. You were one of those people once and don't you ever forget it!
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