I've decided that boys are unnecessary participants in my life (no, I shall not become a lezzy) - my roommate.
There appears to be a problem arising in the DFW area. There are certain groups of boys (yes, I know they like to be called men but I haven't seen a real man in quite some time) that are popping up all over the dating scene and crushing the hopes of countless women. You see, these boys aren't date-able. They are more like pests that are making themselves more and more known and I think it is my duty to help spread the word about them. My hope is that if you know the signs of these particular boys you will be able to arm yourself accordingly against them, or simply, run in the other direction as fast as you can!
Boys without jobs and/or cars
OK, here’s the thing. The economy sucks, I get that, but I mean really can we have something going for us? I’m in my 20s (mid) and I don’t think it’s acceptable for the boys I date (age 25-34) to be without jobs or cars. I mean what do you do with your life? You should have or at least be working on a career at this point in your life!!!!! Then you add into the mix the fact that 8 out of 10 of these same jobless boys don’t have cars either! What can I do with that? I’m from the mindset that I need to be wined and dined and that doesn’t happen when I’m the one picking you up for dates. And if you think I’m paying for these dates you have seriously lost your mind!
* I recently heard a story of a friend of a friend who went on a date with a dude and the dude proceeded to order numerous Patron margaritas. When the check arrived he looked at her and said "you gonna get that?" and she actually paid! I would have looked at him, gotten up, walked out, and called a cab. This is what we're dealing with people!!!
If only Don Draper were here to save me from these boys!
The Disappearing Act
Ohhhhhhh let me tell you girls a little story about my life. I have had about 50% of the guys I’ve tried to talk to in the last 4 years literally disappear! Let me give you a moment to let that sink in. I don’t mean we just stopped talking, I mean they DISAPPEARED, fell off the face of the earth never to be heard from again, D.I.S.A.P.P.E.A.R.E.D. From what I’ve gathered from some of the boys I know, girls are scary. Apparently girls are so scary that boys feel the need to disappear instead of simply being like “I don’t like you”. Apparently telling girls that you don’t like them makes you stalk them. I don’t buy that though. I’ve read enough He’s Just Not That Into You to know that “no answer, is your answer” and the minute I contact you once and you don’t respond I’m done with you. That being said I still often wonder what happens to these dudes when they disappear. I especially wonder about this particularly hot one named Jason. *Sigh*, the odd thing about all these dudes is that they’re SO into you and then disappear. I mean really. This brings me to…
I love you, let’s get married, oh wait never mind Dude.
Can we all take a second and talk about the guy that meets you, loves you, “stalks your whole entire life on the boardwalk” as the sexy Pauly D would say, and then runs way. WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THAT?! Is it fun to do that? I mean I guess I could try it with a dude and see what it’s like but that would just play into the stereotype that all girls are looking for marriage and probably send the dude running in the other direction.
Boys that want you to find jobs for them.
Recently, a friend ran into two interesting situations on an online dating site. One dude asked her to help him find job openings where she worked and another asked her to tutor him. Really guys!?!??!?!? Has it come to this? You need to go on online dating sites to get girls to help you find jobs? Bitch please! Yeah, let me say that again, BITCH PLEASE! This is an online dating site people, take that sh*t to CareerBuilder!
Boys that say they want relationships but really don’t.
I am all for people saying what they mean and meaning what they say. If all you wanna do is hook up (we’ll get into that later) then say that! If a girl tells you she wants a relationship then you should believe her! This is the best way to avoid the nonsense. Things run so much smoother when everyone is on the same page. Sometimes casual relationships or flings can be fun but everyone needs to be aware that is what's happening. It kills me how many boys claim girls are clingy or crazy when from day one they’ve been told the girl wants a relationship!!!!!!!! Let’s not even focus on the fact that at a certain age the whole “getting girls” crap gets really old. At some point it is time to man up and at least try a real relationship. If you're in your 30s and never had a real girlfriend something is wrong.
Boys that just want to...well, you know.
Boys, boys, boys; at some point it is time to grow up and accept the fact that you probably shouldn’t spend your entire life trying to sleep with girls. It is also COMPLETELY unacceptable to ask a girl you don't know if she just wants to have a sexual relationship with you. Yes, you should be honest but you should also have a bit of tact. You can keep things casual with someone but if all you want to do is have sex with a person, I suggest you find a prostitute.
Boys that want “sugar babies”
“Do you like to shop? Do you like boys to take you shopping?” is this an acceptable pickup line? NOOOOOOO it is not. I am all for gold digging. OK, let me rephrase that, I’m all for being spoiled, but I’m not about you using money to get me to like you. I mean really. That’s silly. Have a little pride dude. Pathetic is not really something I go for.
Boys that want to hang out at my apartment with me like this is college.
This ain’t college and while I loved all the low key dates people have in college that’s not what’s happening here. We’re grownups and therefore, I’m not coming over to your apartment to sit on you couch. I mean hello!!!! Whatever happened to dinner and a movie? Trying to get a man to take you on a date around here is like pulling teeth.
The "love is blind but I don't date black girls" dude.
Oh how I love when boys tell me "you're pretty for a black girl" or "I don't date black girls". These lovely words are usually uttered by a black boy that is literally the color of a black crayon. Don't get me wrong, I love all shades of sexy black men and all races of men (I'm more shallow than racist. Hot comes in all colors!) but it bugs me that the main ones hollering about not dating black girls are usually super, SUPER, dark. I'd like to think that in 2011 we could all be open to dating all races of girls but apparently that is not the case in Dallas. I don't mind if you date all races but to be so open and upfront about how you don't like black girls is hurtful and pisses me off. I'd also like to remind most of these dudes that they're mothers and future daughters are and will be black!!!
So there you have it ladies, a few of the many different types of boy you will come across while trying to navigate the dangerous dating scene in Dallas. Don't be discouraged though; there are good ones out there, I think. We just have to try a little harder to find them. In the meantime, avoid all of these like the plague! Boys give you warning signs and as soon as you see one it's time to peace out!!! I myself will be your faithful guide and help you get through all the muck so you can come out on the other side with a nice, respectable, hot, gentleman that spoils you senseless. As for myself, well, I've got my sights on this guy...
what a fabulous dream world I live in! ;)
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